Gaara's Panda Adventure
by pinkmuffinz
Summary: What will Gaara do to get a panda? Why is Orochimaru in Suna? GaaraxMatsuri if you squint. Pure crack from sugar and boredom
1. Chapter 1

"Matsuri-chan! The council is being mean again!" pouted the Kazekage of Suna to his apprentice.

Normally, people would find it weird that such a strong ruler would confide his problems to a girl who was not even his girlfriend rather than the council itself, right?

"What did they do this time, Gaara-sama?" Matsuri was used to this ever since Baki made Gaara find a pet cat to snuggle with when he was sad.

"I wanted a panda, but they said I already had a cat!" Gaara mumbled.

Matsuri sighed, wondering how her beloved former teacher could act like this when he was still a powerful ruler of one of the five nations.

"Gaara-sama, this is a desert. A panda couldn't live here even if it wanted to."

"B-but—"

"Please Gaara-sama, I'm just here to give back my mission report, and I'm really tired. Why don't you do something to please the council, something they'd really like? For example, you could um…get a girlfriend? get married? assign more community service? I don't know, something like that."

"Why do two of the three options include getting a female involved?"

"I dunno, but that's what you told me you had to do a few days ago, Gaara-sama."

"Oh…I must find someone now to get my own PANDA-CHAN!!!!"

Thus began the quest of what Gaara would do for a dear panda that has no chance of survival in a desert.

OoOoOoOoOo

"Council, I present to you…Matsuri!" a very desperate Kazekage exclaimed, holding the girl's arm up.

A cricket is heard and is squashed by Gaara's foot.

"Excuse me, Kazekage-sama, but what is Matsuri-san doing here?" a councilor asked.

"She's here on my behalf to get a PANDA! If you give me a cute, furry panda-chan, Matsuri-chan will go out with me, and you'll get heirs quickly!" the redhead argued.

"No, Kazekage-sama. We cannot allow that because…well…"

"What?! I want a panda bear already, old man! Give me one!"

"Kazekage-sama, Matsuri has been going out with someone for over two years, so you can't end it like that. Sir, that's kinda illegal."

"I don't care! Matsuri is my former apprentice…she pities me!" Gaara pouted.

"No."

"Oh, man!"

"That's not fair, Manabu-san. Noboru and I aren't very close anyway, so it'll be an easy break-up. I'm positive it's okay," Matsuri said to stop her headache.

"If you are sure, Matsuri-san. I do not want a big fuss in the Kazekage Tower because of some lovesick man who's jealous of the Kazekage," Manabu, a councilor, warned.

"Yes, yes. We aren't going to have any problems unless Gaara kills this panda like the other ones."

"The other three? Oh right! He got mistakened for a cow so the butcher killed him, right?"

"And the second one wouldn't fit into the door, so he got chopped off into pieces…"

"And…wait, whatever happened to the last one?" Kankuro asked.

"I pushed him off a cliff to see if he could FLY!" Gaara answered joyfully, as if nothing were wrong with pushing a valuable animal off a cliff.

"Fine, but this is the last panda, Gaara-sama. Go break up with your boyfriend, Matsuri."

"Hai."

OoOoOoOoOo

"Finally, he's here!" Gaara exclaimed. Matsuri stood next to him, sighing.

As Gaara glomped the panda, it turned into a human/snake…

"OROCHIMARU!!!!" the council screamed as the snakeman ran away.

"Waah, I wanted to see if he could stand the sand and heat for a week without food!" Gaara cried on Matsuri's shoulder.

To Suna, this was nothing new. It happened every Wednesday…


	2. AN Do you want a sequel?

**Not a Chapter**

**Do you want a sequel? (A/N)**

Heya! I just wanted to know if I should make a sequel for this fanfic or not. A lot of people have have added it to their favorites, so I wanted to know if anyone wanted me to continue this story...


	3. Sequel

**Ok, so a lot of people have told me to make a sequel, so...here you go!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of its characters...etc...**

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Matsuri heaved a long sigh.

"Matsuri-ch-an -sob- why -sniffle- did he do -wailing- th-th-that?!" Gaara asked, clinging onto his wife's shirt.

"Gaara-kun, the panda bear couldn't breathe in the sand, and the papa bear was sad, so it ran away!" Matsuri tried to explain.

"B-b-but why?! They're my panda bears, and I'm the Kazekage! They're unobedient! I want to kill them!" Gaara screeched, hugging Matsuri closer.

You see, it's been 2 months since the Orochimaru incident. Matsuri still had to put up with dead/missing pandas every Wednesday, and she was sick of it all.

"Gaara-danna, please listen to yourself! And to reason...but that never worked, so...I guess to me? No, I'm not reason..." Matsuri mumbled.

The Kazekage cried harder, demanding a new panda. The council was standing there, awkwardly trying to figure out what to do, as they did every Wednesday.

Suddenly, a light bulb shone above Gaara's head.

"I've got it! Since I've driven over 75 percent of the panda population to eternal dreamland, I will do that to some other species! I choose..."

The Kazekage looked around.

"A SKUNK!" he declared.

Matsuri groaned.

It was hard enough to put up with the smell of panda crap every week, but now this?

The rest of the year was spent cleaning up the village.

Well, every Friday of the year...

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**Sorry it was so short. I've been kinda busy lately, so I haven't had much time for this fic...**

**pinkmuffinz**


	4. The Trip

**Okayz, one of my reviewers PMed me an awesome idea! So...this is dedicated to you, leogirl321! And there will be a smudge of Gaamatsu in here.**

**And I'm really sorry for the late update. I'm in Vietnam with some relatives, and we just a pre-birthday party for me before I go back to USA. Yes, I'm very upset that I missed the 4th of July. Okay, enough with my rant...ON WITH THE STORY!**

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"GAARA!" shrieked a blonde kunoichi in pain.

"Yes, dear beloved sister?" the redhead asked innocentlỵ

"That...was...my...FOOT!" Temari yelled, lifting up her right foot where a huge, blue bruise was.

You see, after a few months of collecting skunks around the world, they became endangered, almost extinct. Of course, Gaara couldn't stand to see all of his smelly friends leave him (even if he was the reason why there were only a few of them left).

Now, they were on there way to a close country that had no shinobi: China. After searching through some weird magazines, Gaara had learned that the most interesting creatures were the really, really deadly ones, which were in China. He had persuaded Matsuri to let him go on the journey, and he suceeded. Now, they were taking their bags to the wagon that would carry the four people to China (Temari, Kankuro, Gaara, and Matsuri).

"Erm...Gaara-danna?" Matsuri asked.

"Yes, my beloved-Matsuri-who-saved-my-interest-in-animals?"

This earned a sweatdrop from all three of his companions.

Not that he noticed, anywaỵ

"Well, what exactly are you planning to bring back to Suna this time?" Matsrui continued.

"Well...there are..."

The other three leaned in closer, furthermore increasing the suspense.

"A TIGER, A KRAIT, A CAMEL SPIDER, AND A COBRAAAAA!" he screamed, shattering everyone's ears.

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**In Konoha**

"Naruto, did you hear anything?" Neji asked Naruto.

They were in the training grounds, trying to see who had more skill.

"What? You need to have your ears checked, Neji."

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_In Hokage Tower_

"Lady Hokage, I suggest we get ready for battle. There have been suspicions that Suna is collecting deadly animals to attack -" the ANBU was interrupted.

"No, no. You've got it all wrong. Gaara is going to collect those animals for...umm...research. Yeah, research."

If Tsunade told them of Gaara's true intentions, they would be attacked for sure.

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**Back in China**

"Gaara-danna?"

"Yes?"

"Why...Why are the animals chasing us?"

"They like us, Matsuri-chan."

"Then...WHY ARE THEY SHOWING THEIR DEADLY WEAPONS?!" a very tired Kankuro screamed.

Trying to keep your life from the deadly animals took sweat, speed, and the ability to hide the fact that you were about to wet your pants from fear.

"Erm, I should try to catch them now."

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**Due to the rating of this fanfic, the authoress has decided to let the readers let their imaginations run wild. Have fun!**

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"Gaara, I feel sorry for these animals."

"Why, Temari?"

"Just look at them...They're half dead!"

It was true. Each animal was either starving or laying as still as stone.

"Oh. They died. Baki! Can you get rid of their bodies?"

The ninja scurried in and out, getting rid of the animals.

Matsuri, Temari, and Kankuro stood, gaping at all their hard work put to waste.

"Well! Back to pandas!" Gaara said, as if he didn't care that his hard work was for nothing.

"G-Gaara, they're extinct now," Temari said matter-of-factly.

"I MEANT CARDBOARD PANDAS!" he screamed back.

That was the day the world shook.

Literally.

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**So...was it okay? I hope it was, I don't really know.**

**I hope you liked this chapter, leogirl321. This was really fun!**

**pinkmuffinz**


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